It's important to note that they stipulated nothing else with respect to the type or style of review and they asked that the reviews be independent and unbiased. We should also note, however, that no one who has ever sent us a sample has asked us to review that dram in any way other than as we'd like. Still, if you are worried about our journalistic integrity, then you are:
a) taking our "tasting notes" much more seriously than we do,
b) probably having a very hard time figuring out our rating system,
c) likely not getting invited to the good parties, or
d) all of the above.
Today, we have a special treat: an interview conducted [Stephen: entirely in Bill's scotch-sodden mind] with the justly-famed head of the New England Patriots football (American-style) team, Coach Belichick.
Malt Impostor: Coach, thanks for joining us today at the Malt Impostor for a special review of the 19 year old Rosebank (Old Malt Cask).
Coach Belichick: It's a pleasure. (scowls at MI)
MI: Coach, you normally prefer veterans. How do you feel about a 19 year old?
CB: (scowls at MI) Well, I look for what's best for the situation, and Rosebank seemed like a good fit.
MI: Would you say that Rosebank's nose is akin to tripping at the top of the stairs, then finding out that the stairs are really a Kanchipuram silk slide, coated with honey, ending in a vat of attar of roses mixed with ambergris?
CB: I think Rosebank excels in all three phases of the scotch. The nose, the mouth, and the finish. (looks bored)
MI: Maybe the vat at the end of the slide is actually filled with a non-flaming cherry jubilee made with Haagen Daaz honey vanilla ice cream?
CB: Rosebank has a lot of potential and it's up to us to help it be achieved. (covers up a yawn)
MI: Would you say that Rosebank is more of a smashmouth, or rather a creamy lavender-infused honeycomb?
CB: (reflective, then bored) I think Rosebank improves every year.
MI: When Rosebank is finishing, would you say it's a lot like a platinum corkscrew making its way into the bronze Liberty Bell in Philadelphia? A Dom Perignon cork? Or maybe a copper saucepan simmering with lemon curd?
CB: (tight, private smile) The Liberty Bell is a National Treasure.
MI: I say Rosebank races to the finish faster than the Smurfs, Toys, Rejects, and Late-Round choices that comprise the majority of the Patriots. (Belichick scowls. Pauses. Scowls even more deeply. Brow furrows immeasurably.) It's like a 50 yard dash, followed by a marathon, followed by a victory lap at Olympic Stadium. (Belichick ever so slightly narrows his eyes.) I mean, for a 50% abv, Rosebank always gives 100 proof, if you know what I mean. (Belichick inhales sharply, coughs to cover contemptuous snort.) Comments?
CB: I think Rosebank excels in all three phases of the scotch. The nose, the mouth, and the finish. (pointedly looks at watch)
MI: I mean, Rosebank's finish runs from a boxing gym to a sultan's palace, stopping briefly to admire a dream team of Buddhist monks and Navajo shamans create sand mandalas. (Belichick stifles yawn.) I mean, it's like making dark chocolate truffles in the office of the president of a sachet-making company. Isn't it?
CB: Rosebank has a lot of potential and it's up to us to help it be achieved. (fails to stifle yawn)
MI: Would you stay and linger with us and the Rosebank?
CB: It's a short week and there's a lot to do. (stands to go)
MI: Thanks, Coach! (Belichick smiles from the exit):
--On the scale of rivers to go punting on--
The Rosebank 19 Old Malt Cask is the Thames in Oxford. Crew is also an option, but just imagine sipping a dram of the Rosebank 19 on a sunny day as you and a don are punting along as the Magdalen grove, Merton field, and Christ Church meadows gently slip past. It's infinitely preferable to punting in the new Meadowlands stadium. (Surely you guessed that American football was going to recur in this rating?)
*--Master of Malt (in this case, the Rosebank 19 year-old Old Malt Cask)
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